I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
pray to the hookup gods
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
