I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
