He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
