This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Randomize
