your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
