This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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