i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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