Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
