I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
