Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
