He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
