When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
