Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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