I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
