I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This house was built for laser tag.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
