well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
