so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
