peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we're chasing vodka with high fives
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
