I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
