Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So much rum. So many feels.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
