I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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