Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
