The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
