You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
