sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
