you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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