I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
pop tarts are not kleenex
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
