Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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