She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
