This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
