dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
