I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You're earring is so big in my mouth
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
