I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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