I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
