Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
