ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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