Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
