We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
