he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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