Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
