We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
