Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
