if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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