exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
