I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
