It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
