roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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