similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
