Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just found puke in my bra..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
