1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
