addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
