u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
