how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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